Sometimes its actually okay when your baggage gets lost...

Maybe its a delayed spring thing. Maybe its hormones. Maybe its the fact that I lost the remote for the digital cable and as a result had to watch Lifetime television for 4 hours the other day. For whatever reason, I'm beginning to think about "love".

For the first time in a loooooong time, I'm not thinking about love in the "sell your crazy someplace else, buddy. We're full up, here" type of way. Every time a girl flirts with me, (and yes, it happens) I've begun to stop mentally whipping myself for even thinking about being attracted. Though I doubt I'll ever stop being surprised. ;)

I've begun to stop avoiding movies whose plot obviously revolves around romance. I've watched a couple of my own chick-flicks and hell, I've even told myself I'd go see "the notebook" the first time an opportunity presents itself.

I woke up around 6 am this morning and couldn't sleep. So I went for a walk. It was a good chance for me to have a little quiet time and sort out some of the feelings that've been bouncing around in my head. I was just walking when I felt like talking to Jesus for a little while. So, I sat down on the steps in front of one of the most beautiful places on earth, Armstrong Browning Library to talk.

I don't know how it is. It makes no sense to anyone else. But when I talk to Jesus, its like I know what he's saying back to me. Or at least what he would say back to me. But anyway, I've begun to notice how lately, life has just gotten easier. Believe it or not, I laugh even more often now than I usually do.

Spending time with others has become not so hard, taxing. I even had a dream the other night I was writing a love-letter. For the life of me, I can't remember to whom it was addressed, or even if it was addressed to anyone in particular, but I remember meaning it.

I've rediscovered how much fun it is to make eye-contact with a beautiful woman. How even that fleeting glance makes that back of your eyeballs feel like they're going to explode. I've remembered how nice it is to share a knowing look with a very dear friend.

Lately, wine tastes sweeter. Compliments touch me more deeply. And the Ginger-Peach iced tea is so much cooler sliding down my throat.

Time passed with cousins I haven't seen in 3-4 years picks up as if it had been 3-4 days. And for the life of me the only reason why I can see that this has all come about is that I've simply let it.

All of my passions have become arroused as of late. I think the first time I really noticed this was during the Spider-Man 2 movie the other night with two of my best friends. Of course, we got two jerk-high schoolers behind us who didn't realize exactly how little their comments were welcome.

I found myself more and more strained to turn around and inform the two litle punks that I had actually paid to watch the movie, not listen to them make asses of themselves. If it had been only me and Dave in the movie theatre, I almost definitely would have. But, alas, I balked only because I didn't want to make a scene in front of my third friend.

Last night I began to see flashes of the entertainer I used to be. Not that I was really missing that guy, I was just glad to know I still had it in me.

I guess what I'm saying is, I think I've lost my baggage. Yeah, I got hurt pretty badly last summer. And I imagine it will never be pleasant to think about. But I think that maybe, the hurt is going away.

Or maybe sometimes like when my shoulder hurts, I'll stop noticing it after a while. Maybe its like that.

Alls I know is I'm not feeling so tethered. I've gained a bounce in my step. And more importantly, I'm beginning to think that maybe I'll stop worrying about who I can let in and out of my life and focus a little more on just living.

Maybe I'll find a girl. Maybe I won't. Hell, maybe I've already found her.

But whatever the case. I don't care. Either way, win or lose, the Cubbies and I are going to keep playing ball.

"The only thing better than playing a ball game today... is playing two! Lets play two!"- Ernie Banks (first player to be named MVP of a team with a losing record 58' Cubs)