The Peripherals of Love...

Love is such a simple action. Like the song says: "Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it...." Everyone can do it; from the most affectionate child to the Grinch, heart filled with hate and all. I believe love to be the one universal thing. The one thing everyone/person/thing has felt.

Well, you'll excuse the Yogi Berra-ness of this rhetorical question, but: If love is so simple, then why in the heck is it so complicated?

Because there are more things to be negotiated than just "guy meets girl."

Because on the roads that represent our lives, there are many an "unmarked intersection." Everything is not black and white. Everyone doesn't wear their hearts on their sleeves.

I was thinking about this all tonight as I was talking with a friend. She is currently struggling with whether or not she should let the guy she likes know of her feelings. Sitting from a vantage point that offers complete personal emotional safety, I told her exactly what every friend in the same position would say: "go for it". She and I danced the same dance many friends have danced before of "well I know I should do 'blank' but these reasons are why I just don't know about doing 'blank'."

My friend's main excuse was the tried and true: "I just don't know if I have the confidence right now". And I guess that's where I saw how I'm different from most people. Confidence has never been my problem.

When I decide there is someone with whom I'm interested in pursuing a relationship, the thing I'm most motivated by is my desire to love that person in a deeper way. That pretty much goes across the board from friendships to romantic relationships.

I guess that sounds kind of selfish.

But this is what I told her "[friend], you're a wonderful person. You will find love. If its this guy, then its this guy. If you get rejected, its nothing more than one more name you can cross off the lists of possibilities. Your future of happiness does not rest in this man, but in following the Lord. If you trust he will provide, even if its later than sooner."

That attitude is one that tempts me to randomly walk up to girls and ask them what they think. I'm not even kidding. So badly do I wish I know exactly with whom I'll be spending the rest of my life serving.

She countered with worries about how she didn't know if he's interested or not. I'm not a huge fan of that. Someone finding you attractive almost always makes that person more attractive to you. Even if its in but the smallest degree. People always love their fans. And I don't want my potential feelings for someone to be tainted by the temptations of a "pie on the windowsill."

If there's a fear at all involved with me wondering if I should tell someone how I feel, it usually comes out of "what will happen if I don't say something?" This one gets me into trouble. I'm so afraid that I'm going to say something motivated out of "what if's" as opposed to "I need to know this." I usually think and pray and go through a lot of trouble to get to know a person so that I can better discern the nature of my emotional attachment to them.

I guess I hide behind that a lot, too. I use my confusion in this area as an excuse for inaction. I'm afraid more than one possible meaningful relationship has fallen prey to such a convenient quiescence of cause.

Even recently, I've let myself balk at letting someone know how I feel on the grounds of not knowing if my feelings for that person would merit the words I know I would speak. She deserves only the best. I'd never see her with less.

So what should we do?

"If you come to a fork in the road... take it." - Yogi Berra

No one has said it better.